Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Saint Tigra the Undead's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
12:09 am	yay! A life change! so i made a huge step into changing my life today I decided that I'm as big as a whale and that I need to lose weight so i got off my self-loathing fat ass to join other fatties in the journey of Weight Watchers! I spent most of my paycheck on their nazi regime and a buttload of amazingly healthy food and cookbooks Cause I'm gonna lose this weight then school these bitches on how to be a REAL fucking pin up. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
1:53 pm	Irony Soooo.... May 3, 2009 "Fiesta de los Penesquitos" is that ironic?  In a place where illegal immigrants are scoffed at even when the upper class hires them for landscaping? Rancho Penesquitos I'm not sure about this one.... I'll let you know what my research shows (Comment on this)
Friday, March 13th, 2009
1:49 am	confidence  I have so many fucking adorable clothes that I cannot fit into right now. It is very discourging because I've never been this big and I cannot pin point where I lost my confidence and let myself go. But at the same time, going through my closet was awesome because I see what I have and I dont have to buy so much new stuff as I need to adopt a new lifestyle to fit my regular clothes. I'm not talking size small shit here.  I'm talking clothes from 4 years, and 30 lbs, ago that should be cake to put on.   Totally an eye opening night. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
11:21 pm	My first religious experience ...Was at an AFI concert when a stranger held me and we swayed to the music while I fell in love for the first time that night. I was only 15 at the time and was almost willing to sacrifice myself to Lord and Savior Davey Havok. I saw them in 2006 with a crowd that did not have the same religious experience as I and that was a bummer.   But I truly miss them I feel like I'm scared of growing up again.  Next year is going to be crazy.  I'll have my degree in May, probably an engagement ring and be in the teaching program by Fall 2010.  I feel responsibility creeping fast and I don't want to lose my youth.   When I hear AFI I'm transported back to a simpiler time, not exactaly better or anything like that, but a time when all I had to worry about was homework and what new outfit I'd sew that night.   I get the same butterflies and uncontrolable emotion flowing through me hearing their music 9 years after they first grabbed me. I still cry because I believe soooooooooo strongly in Davey's philosophy.  I can feel his emotion and I know what it feels like.  Even at 21 years old I still feel monsterous at times but that's the beauty of life.  The abject and the monsterous figures are the ones who make a difference.  Their isolation from the mainstream status quo allow for better intellectual development and provide more opportunities for reflection.  My thesis for the way I turned out today follows; I believe that AFI is my reason for enjoying English in high school, thus my reason to continue onto higher education and to go into a field that can help more youth believe in themselves.  AFI helped me believe that in isolation there can truly be intellectual growth and from rejecting normative cognition, that true genius may shine through.  I've had acceptance problems for years and adopted the mantra "I'm honored by your hated" for years now.  And it makes me feel more confident that I am.  Thanks AFI.  I'll provide more skin sacrafices when I have the money. Current Music: just figure that out (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 2nd, 2009
11:24 pm	GUESS WHAT! according to the fda, i'm obese!! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay im a fucking cow (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
8:49 pm	Hmmm I will have my BA degree in May 2010 and my credential in December 2011 at the latest? Soooooooo I WANT TO GET MARRIED IN 3 YEARS. I've even made a wish list on Robbins Bros site. Since Adam is living at his parent's house that means he can buy me an engagement ring RIGHT????? Right! Current Mood: silly Current Music: The Clash (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
11:54 pm	January 20, 2009 Will be a huge party. I don't know where yet but there will be a huge party. But for sure, if Obama fucks up or completely flops his platform, regardless of my vote i will be on the streets protesting but from his acceptance speech, I highly doubt that. He knows that the US is ready to see strides in social acceptance and world image. The politicians in DC realize that too. The House of Reps now has 340/435 seats to the Democrats and the Senate has Democratic majority now as well. He is the best option. The other side would have advocated running the economy further into the ground and the collapse of civilization directly in front of our eyes. High five America for standing against tyranny, greed and control through fear. I don't care what you believe, because you probably don't care what I believe but I'm dead serious when I say FUCK THE RIGHT WING AND FUCK RELIGIOUS INFLUENCED VOTING. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: RATM - Bulls on Parade (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
8:49 pm	I decided that I'm getting married in 3 years.  So in 2012 I want a wedding. And I've decided to stop eating.  It's really gross that I have new stretch marks and a bigger muffin top. I weigh 170 pounds now and I need to lose 20 to be 150 for sure and maybe 10 more for 140. I'm tired of not being the pin up I am in my mind. I have a pretty face but I am ready to commit to my pretty body. Current Music: Los Hombres no Lloran - Voodoo Glow Skulls and CAFE CON TEQUILA! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
10:20 am	I'm sick sick, sick, sick of people's jealously.  It's physically exhausting and sucks all my energy.  The friends around me and the bitches who glare, you guys need to find a better outlet for your fucked up lives. Sorry kids, but I have higher priorities.   I WANT to get married, and I WANT a house, and I WANT to be monogamous, and I WANT kids, and I WANT to go to school, and I WANT to live at home still, and I WANT to be involved with my family life.  It's called choices.  I make them.  I make the best ones possible.  Yeah, I'm entitled to complaining now and then about my relationship and family and school stress but I'm not saying "omg I wish I didn't have to do any of this" or "OMG I could just kill myself of stress" it's just human nature to vent now and then. Going to see Adam every weekend is wasting time and gas?  Who the fuck are you to question my devotion to him?  And no, sorry, I don't want anything to do with your stupid little punk rock band or your booze parties. I'm not down with hearing about drunk make out sessions either.  It's gross and doesn't make you look good.  Yeah, we have one life to live that probably means nothing in the end, but your kids might have to deal with your reputation in the end If me and Adam don't work out, I know you guys will be there in my face saying "i told you so" while disgusting it as "oh, we'll always be here for you". And that thought makes me more sick than thinking about what-if's.  Current Mood: Whatever Current Music: Joe Strummer and the Clash (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008
7:56 am	Lettuce upsets me So I dont think I can eat lettuce very much anymore.  It literally blocked my intestinal track since friday at ruby's when I had the Caesar dinner salad.  So I just hope today I can hang at school all day. Oi,  so there goes one of my favorite foods.  I even puked some this morning (not morning sickness, indigested lettice) which is wtf kids?? Oh well, maybe the thought of hanging out at sdsu with the mongoloids is catching up to me. And less Adam time always sucks. But it's his birthday month so good times are to be had all around! About 2 months until I turn 21!!!! YA BOOOYYEEEE!! Current Mood: sick Current Music: DEVO -Cant Get No Satisfaction (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 7th, 2008
1:26 am	Ahhhh I love him! omg i love you sooo much...you've made my life so much better...i love my room now...i love the things i get to do...and it's all because of you...you make me whole...i love you That's right :D That's the voice of the man I'll marry <3 Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Monday, July 14th, 2008
11:06 pm	Palomar Pomorado Hospital Ugh, so Adam is in the hospital in Poway :(  His stomach pains didnt get better and he was vomiting for almost 2 days straight.  I took him into the ER on Sunday and they kept him overnight.  Then today he didnt vomit but was still having stomach pains and couldnt get up an appetite to tolerate food so they kept him tonight.  But I had to go home so I can go to school and work tomorrow :( It's super sad leaving him alone but we're pretty sure if he can eat tomorrow, he'll go home.  So far though, the hospital tests didnt find anything wrong with CT scan or blood work.  He has an appointment next monday with his gastrointestinal doctor so that's when he'll find out what's really wrong. We did manage to have make shift fun in the hospital though.  We watched a bunch of cartoons and baseball and eat jello and ice cream while i got to sit on his hospital bed while he pushed the buttons to make it feel like a disneyland ride :p hahaha.  That's our life though.  And it's the life we're going to have but Im ready for it.  one of the regestration nurses came in to interview him for hospital admittance.  She asked "are you employed?"  and he said "no" and then she asked "are you a stay at home husband?"  and I said "not yet, we're practicing!"  and everyone thought that was super cute. cause i did. ah yeah.  I love him and it was super hard to leave him alone tonight.  But we have our phones and life shall go on.  I'll see him this week so that's all good with me.  Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Monday, April 28th, 2008
12:45 am	pheeew im not psycho anymore jesus christ what an emotionally draining week this was. Anyways, im over it and adam is the best person in my life <3 I've been talking to garret again and his friend drew (younger than me) and warren (went to his house for a Broken Society show) and they want me to play bass int heir band. The problem is, i'd be back in the san diego punk scene and at first i didnt want anything to do with it. I need to make sure school, work, family and adam are my priorties but at the same time i've been dying to play in a band forever.  Especially because they are really serious abut what they want to do.  and i know they're good guys who i wouldn't have a problem with.  Nor would adam have to worry about me hooking up with any of them.  they're hot but ive already dated the rock starts and that isnt why i would be in the band So i told them when the semester is over that i would jam with them and then see how it goes from there.  it seems fun and as far as i can tell no drama.  they are single andi have a boyfriend so it sounds good to me!  i just need to talk to adam about it and see what his feelings are.  (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
10:56 am	yikes I feel spiteful and vengful. ive never been this crazy while pms-ing. i feel like everyone on the street is judging me negatively. I also feel hidious, fat, and worthless. i feel unloved. all this and more thanks to hormones. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 15th, 2008
10:34 pm	PORN I like to try whats in porn movies sometimes. I like to watch porn sometimes But I dont watch it nearly as much as he does. And it fucking bugs me. I've had body issues since I was 6 and right when everything was going absolutly perfect the bug of insecurity climbed back into my ear. Sure, I'd rather have him wack off to some pixelated chick than compared to a real one but it just makes me feel bad. I know exactally why too, because I do the retarded girl thing and compare myself to the girls.  I know I have some mad skills in bed but once the thought of him looking at someone else on the internet freaks me the fuck out.  I know there will always be more attractive women around in public and especially as i get older, but there's a little feeling of self doubt that comes around when I find it in his computer history. But here's the weird thing, I can look at pin-up model half naked, beautiful and slender and not feel a tinge of jealiously.  Maybe that's because I know I can look like them if I tried.  Being a chick is so fucked up. I dont want to interfere with a normal practice that's been going on for 15 years but it does make me feel like shit and completly worthless.  I'd be more down if he did his thing and didnt bring it up.  Because I'm fine with it and when I hear about it then it makes me feel like he's trying to tell me to do something else. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008
2:30 pm	Dear America, I am so sorry that the person in charge of you is such a giant douche bag.  You need to really encourage people to break up with him and that whole party.  The people living on you aren't people anymore.  They're morphed into parasites that are going to suck you dry just like the first settlers.  And your military is being pimped by the big politicians trying to protect their oil wealth.  (BTW check out the Rockefeller family and the corporations they own...it's basically the whole country.)  America, your body is so fucked.  Your antibodies are mistaking us normal cells for diseases and they are doing everything possible to stamp us out when we're the ones who want to help you!  Plus, they are using your name in vain to plunder another country. Believe me honey, I am doing my part to help save you.  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 6th, 2008
11:30 pm	So, Life just stopped making sense for a minute.  we'll see if i can fix it tomorrow (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
12:27 am	Super Tuesday Rite of Passage So I finally became a true participating member of democracy today. I traveled far and long to the religious institution in my neighborhood where I was registered where I performed my best Henry Rollins impression. I rolled up in my Ranger blasting Anti-Flag wearing my peace and equality Intro5pect shirt and the old ladies already knew it wasn't going to be easy with me. However, they easily gave me my democrat ballot and sent me on my merry way. I bubbled feverishly, read carefully, even double checked my ballot to make sure the bubble for Hill-Dawg was nice and dark and legit. I proceed back to turn in the ballot and held it like an Olympic Torch. Then I make eye contact with the old geezard, ballot all greased up in my sweaty hand. "Now, I bubbled this ballot, and it's in the envelope....now when I put this in here (motioning to the ballot box) it will not get lost? Nor will it be tampered with? And once I put this ballot into the box, I have voted and made a difference to take care of this White House nonsense?(making large circular motions with my arms)" *blank stare* Yes. OK! Just wanted to make sure! SO then I leave and continue on the rest of my work day, checking the Yahoo Political Dashboard every 5 minutes to see how the primaries are going. Remembering terms and definitions from my AP US GOV class with Ms. Ekberg I remembered that I do enjoy keeping tabs on this political bullshit. Then tonight, as I was reading my multicultural education text book, the author emphasized how schools are factories of democracy. Not in a brainwashing manner, but one in which students will learn how to be a respectable, caring, empathetic, culturally diverse citizen in society when they blossom from the bud of high school. THEREFORE! I decided to Major in Single Subject English and minor in Political Science. While completing my pre-reqs for the teaching credential program, I will be done with my major and graduating in spring of 2010. For an hour today, I had complete faith in humanity because 14% of democratic voters today were under 30. All that bitching about "your vote counts" and "vote or die" paid off 8 years after one of the the biggest mother fuckers in history was elected into office. I feel that we the youth (yes that is grammatical) trusted our parents and grandparents to make wise decisions for us. But instead, they blew it and now it's up to us to fix their mistakes. My generation is going to be the one to set things straight with equality, environmentalism and the economy. We figured out that there is no hope for us unless we can find a way to survive. We also discovered that there is no future without some type of post-secondary school training whether it be college, vocational school or living off pure talent. So somewhere along the line in our education, we were taught to be responsible for our actions. Also that every action has a equal and opposite reaction. Therefore if we do not vote, we are fucked. America...FUCK YEAH. Amen. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Anti-Flag = Bring our your Dead (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
7:03 pm	jee wilikers fucking amazing weekend. Kinda surreal. Adam got uber dehydrated and flu and infected to the point where he didnt sleep at all saturday night and not sleeping or holding down liquids.  Not until sunday morning did he decide it was time to go to the hospital.  SO at 1120am  11/6/08 i took him to t he emergency room where he was seen right away.  he was given a room in the ER and they ran a CAT scan, gave him an IV and some morphine for the horrid stomach pains he was having.  Not until 445pm was he admitted into a room to monitor overnight.  He had a hell of a time.  I stayed with him there overnight and he was up every 2 to 3 hours asking for pain and nausea medication.  so i slepted by his side on the most back breaking cot ever.  When he was in there on sunday i went and cleaned his room hxc.  I mean tweeker cleaned everything with lysol and bleach.  i vacuumed and washed his bedding and cleaned the fridge. then i went and stayed with him all night. I dont like seeing him in pain.  It's horrible.  I felt so helpless and all i could do was hold his hand.  The nurses were saying that it meant something that for us being so young that we have that much love for eachother for me to stay with him at his bedside.  All I want to know is why wouldnt I?  I stayed when he got home too.  He kicked me outta the bed but other than that it was nice for him to have a helping hand.  He was way happy that I stayed with him.  I mean, he wanted me or his mom there and she didnt wanna stay whatsoever so it was my duty i think.   I love him so Im pretty sure I proved to him that i'd do anything to be with him.   (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 27th, 2007
11:20 pm	I'm more than likely going to marry this Adam guy Christmas was so much fun and gave me lots of warm fuzzy feelings. On the 22nd, adam's sister Andrea and brother in law Raul came down from Sacramento and they were so awesome.  In preperation of their arrival the day was spent with Adam and his dad Al running errands and cleaning the house.  we went to this brewery in miramar called ALESMITH and the chick there thought i was 21 so i got beer eh!!  Then Al bought us shirts and a growler of beer! After Raul and Andrea got there the booze flowed like a frat house.  There was plenty of good beer and sailor jerry rum.  it was an awesome getting to know eachother dinner too.  Frozen junk bar food galore.  Adams mom Arlene got pretty tanked and started slurring after an hour then i was wasted in the cornor.  Poor adam had to deal with me all night getting up to puke.  It was so worth it though.  but we barely got any sleep cause he was uber sick too so we were sexy lol. then sunday the clan of us went to Stone Brewery in Escondido which was freaking awesome.  The food was uber pricey and gormet and was pretty good to a point.  then me, adam, raul, and andrea went to the wild animal park.  it was fun with them but the park itself sucks rhino ass.  then i had to go home cause so much shit had to get done on christmas eve. the 24th was nice at tia chita's but like the cousins who said they were going to be there werent there so whatever.  they all have kids anyways. christmas was so much fun!!  our house in the morning was awesome as usual.  my parents are getting so cute now that they're getting older.  and nana and tata's house was way fun too because it was the first time ever we all opened our presents together at the same time. adam came and picked me up so i could stay with them.  i totally owned his parents at gift giving.  i got him a Jake Peavy 44 jersey, warcraft shirt, anaheim ducks shirt, and 2 advantage cd's.  then my parents got him a shirt and a gift card so we have fun stuff to do.   We finally went home and got to sleep around 1am cause we were watching survivorman then i got to wake up in his arms again.  i love that feeling so much.  wednesday i hung out at his parents house wtih raul and andrea. then andrea and arlene went shopping so raul and i ate cheesecake and watched star wars again.  it was rad.  i fell asleep for a while and adam fell asleep on me.   all of us piled in the van to take andrea and raul to the airport which aws cute.  I really feel like i'm part of the family.  andrea went out to get me a pin up calendar, a makeup bag and a notepad cause she said she wanted to get to know me better before she got me anything.  so im pretty sure i passed her approval.   his parents gave me a 25 gift card and a halter top from Alesmith which was uber rad.   I really do love this guy.  he's one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  i cant wait for scool to be over so we can get a place together.  i want to marry him soooo bad.  lol.  i feel like im still waiting for prince charming.  i know he's mine but i want the fairy tale ending to make it complete.  ANNNNDDD I HAD A CARNE ASADA BURRITO TONIGHT! IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD lol Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: spice girls (9 Comments |Comment on this)